You might be a conservative if...

Ah, the brilliance of Alan Colmes (in Red, White, and Liberal: How the Left is Right and Right is Wrong):


You believe Clinton gutted the military, and yet you're forced to acknowledge that that same military performed magnificently in both Afghanistan and Iraq.

You believe government should be off the backs of businesses but in the uteruses of women.

You think it's okay to overspend if the money goes to a defense contractor, bu not if it goes to a single mother with no husband and no job.

You can't stand Democrats if they're named Ted Kennedy, but you love them if they're named... Zell Miller.

You despise the fact that Bill Clinton tried to bring peace to the Middle East, but you love that George Bush brought war there.

You believe the government doesn't know how to run schools, but it does know how to run school prayers.

When a Democrat agrees with you he or she has an agena, but when you agree with him or her, you're bipartisan.

You believe in family values, unless the head of that family happens to be gay.

You believe that when Democrats control the Congress and they stop you from doing things, it's proper to blame them for obstruction, but when you control Congress and they try to stop what you're doing, it's proper to shut down the government.

You don't htink this is very funny, but it would be hilarious if it were mocking Democrats.


Want to know for sure what you are? Take the Political Compass test to see where you lie in the political spectrum.