What Bush Really Meant: Part 1- Introduction
In this series, I will attempt to translate Bush's State of the Union address. The original, convoluted text can be viewed on CNN (which I will be using, along with its divisions of subjects). I actually kept most of the structure and phrasing in tact.
Introduction
Mr. Speaker, Dicky, all my fellow Republicans, the people my PR guy told me to invite, and the people that voted for me:
America this evening is a nation called to great responsibilities, like getting ourselves of the mess that we created. We don't need to because you guys voted me in, and I consider the infitessimal margin a mandate. As we gather here tonight, although somewhat less opulent than the $40 million party I threw a few weeks ago, thousands of American servicemen and women are stuck in Iraq because I, along with my equally incompetent administration, refuse to draft any plan of any sort to get the soldiers out.
Each day, law enforcement personnel and intelligence officers are tracking terrorist threats and filing them according to a color-coding scheme. Analysts examine airline passenger lists and pull over anyone with a "weird" name. You know, the kind that my administration views as "subhuman" because they aren't American and because we don't like to respect other countries and their culture. Meanwhile, the men and women of our new Homeland Security Department are busy figuring out the exact shades of red, yellow, and orange to use in the color alert system. The American economy is flourishing- in the oversea factories- and the tax relief is a huge success for the already filthy-rich Americans...
Tonight, members of Congress can take pride in having been fooled by me! You are neglecting public schools, and pretending to improve the Medicare Program. However, we all know that that's just a scheme to distract Kerryites from the real important issues... like health care coverage. THerefore, in my speech, I will focus mainly on Social Security, which is the only institution I haven't fucked over... YET, and Iraq elections. All while keeping my comments on affordable health care as vague and noncommitted as possible.
We have faced serious challenges to gether and now we face a choice. We can go forward with confidence and resolve or we can continue doing what we've been doing all along: being paranoid and not really doing anything about it. You know the whole saying about "don't give a man a fish to eat, but teach him to fish"? Well, that's just a load of bullshit. I mean... We need to keep our troops in Iraq forever! It's part of my oil-colony plan! Wait, did I say that out loud? Ah, you guys are all standing up and clapping. I will now smile my goofy monkey-laugh and revel in the blind loyalty shown by my party. See, unlike the Democrats, the GOP has no such thing as "healthy dissent" or "debates". But I digress- with everyone so distracted with Iraq, we can avoid having to make do on the false promises I made during the campaign.
You dind't re-elect me without a reason. You wanted to keep screwing up. I have good news, America! We've always screwed up, and instead of opting to stop this mess and fix it, we're going keep doing everything WRONG! See? Americans are rising to the tasks of history- repeating it, mistakes included. The choices of the American people are showing that the state of our union is confidently divided and strongly conservative!
Introduction
Mr. Speaker, Dicky, all my fellow Republicans, the people my PR guy told me to invite, and the people that voted for me:
America this evening is a nation called to great responsibilities, like getting ourselves of the mess that we created. We don't need to because you guys voted me in, and I consider the infitessimal margin a mandate. As we gather here tonight, although somewhat less opulent than the $40 million party I threw a few weeks ago, thousands of American servicemen and women are stuck in Iraq because I, along with my equally incompetent administration, refuse to draft any plan of any sort to get the soldiers out.
Each day, law enforcement personnel and intelligence officers are tracking terrorist threats and filing them according to a color-coding scheme. Analysts examine airline passenger lists and pull over anyone with a "weird" name. You know, the kind that my administration views as "subhuman" because they aren't American and because we don't like to respect other countries and their culture. Meanwhile, the men and women of our new Homeland Security Department are busy figuring out the exact shades of red, yellow, and orange to use in the color alert system. The American economy is flourishing- in the oversea factories- and the tax relief is a huge success for the already filthy-rich Americans...
Tonight, members of Congress can take pride in having been fooled by me! You are neglecting public schools, and pretending to improve the Medicare Program. However, we all know that that's just a scheme to distract Kerryites from the real important issues... like health care coverage. THerefore, in my speech, I will focus mainly on Social Security, which is the only institution I haven't fucked over... YET, and Iraq elections. All while keeping my comments on affordable health care as vague and noncommitted as possible.
We have faced serious challenges to gether and now we face a choice. We can go forward with confidence and resolve or we can continue doing what we've been doing all along: being paranoid and not really doing anything about it. You know the whole saying about "don't give a man a fish to eat, but teach him to fish"? Well, that's just a load of bullshit. I mean... We need to keep our troops in Iraq forever! It's part of my oil-colony plan! Wait, did I say that out loud? Ah, you guys are all standing up and clapping. I will now smile my goofy monkey-laugh and revel in the blind loyalty shown by my party. See, unlike the Democrats, the GOP has no such thing as "healthy dissent" or "debates". But I digress- with everyone so distracted with Iraq, we can avoid having to make do on the false promises I made during the campaign.
You dind't re-elect me without a reason. You wanted to keep screwing up. I have good news, America! We've always screwed up, and instead of opting to stop this mess and fix it, we're going keep doing everything WRONG! See? Americans are rising to the tasks of history- repeating it, mistakes included. The choices of the American people are showing that the state of our union is confidently divided and strongly conservative!
posted by christie at 10:26 AM
1 Comments:
ahahahaha awesome i love how u always manage to make politics interesting for people like me [pats ur head] xP [hides because ur scary like that] dude i was playing this one game with some guys [which i will not name unless it will get me out of bodily harm] and we would say a girl's name and then sum it up in one word, but if necessary a phrase. so we got to u and we came up with vicious as one and somebody [his name starts with a D and ends with ennis] decided to use Napoleon/Napolean [whichever is the right spelling] to describe you. appartently his logic was because both of you two are short and just people that nobody wants trouble with xP. have fun beating up dennis.
- gabriel
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